Present for the Presents

The holiday season is upon us, and we all want to have a very merry Christmas. But for many, it’s in the holidays that we have the hardest time being present. There’s so much to plan, so much to organise, so much pressure to provide the perfect Christmas. It’s easy to spend Christmas, not enjoying the moment, but planning ahead, or comparing with past Christmases. It’s easy to feel that we are constantly missing out on the good bits because we are busy in the background, making the magic happen.

I’ve read a lot of articles and blogs gently reminding us to “be present” over Christmas. But none of them ever seem to suggest how we do that. So, I had a little think and, considering human psychology and the art of mindfulness, I’ve come up with a couple of strategies that can help. Obviously, this is not an exhaustive list, and you may find some strategies more helpful than others. But the first step is thinking about what you can do to make changes.

So, here are my tips for ensuring your well-deserved presence this Christmas:

· Delegate – Don’t take on all the chores yourself. It sounds obvious, but actually handing out specific jobs can make a huge difference. If other people don’t naturally take on some of the burden, give it to them. Consider your language when doing so. Remember, you’re not asking them to pick up grandma “for you”. It is simply one of the tasks that need doing. Also, if ever there were a time to ease up on your comparative standards, now is it. They don’t wrap gifts as well as you do? In the big scheme of things, it doesn’t really matter, if it gives you a bit of time to enjoy.

· Be Flexible – We all have our own idea of what a perfect Christmas would be; who and what is involved. These ideas often differ, and we can end up in battle with family and friends. Being flexible to change from the outset makes it a lot easier to cope with any disruptions. How can that help us be present at Christmas? Being more accepting of these potential changes means we are less likely to try and micromanage them. Your partner lets the toddler decorate the tree, and now all the blue baubles are in a group and all the gold baubles are in a group… No, you really don’t have to change it, honest.

· Plan Ahead – I know, it shouldn’t come to you to arrange absolutely everything. But, you have the foresight to know that it usually does. So, use that knowledge to your advantage. Think about it now. What do you really want to not miss? Opening gifts? Dinner? Catching up with visitors? Considering what you actually really want to be present for can help you come up with ways to do so. Do you feel you barely notice the kids opening their gifts? Ok, firstly why is that? Because you’re back and fore to the kitchen preparing dinner? That there could be one of those delegate areas. Are you feeling left out when the neighbours come round for a drink? Where are you? Kids’ bedtime routine? Talk to your partner before hand; How about tag-teaming it, so you both get a chance to catch up with Neil and Nora.

· Discuss – And, on that note, this is probably the most important thing you can do this Christmas to ensure you get to be present. Once you have thought it through, discuss your thoughts and planned strategies with your partner/family. Let’s just drop the argument that they should “just know” that you miss out over Christmas. Yes they should, but no they don’t. Once you have the bare bones of the strategy, involvethem in the planning: “I always feel I miss out on the enjoyment of dinner, because I’m the one running round with dishes etc. What can be done to prevent that this year?” Other people are much more likely to go though with a plan if they think they were involved in formulating it.

· Notice – Firstly, notice when you are not being present. Have you already started thinking ahead to the next step? Are you worrying about plans? Notice these shifts in thought, and you can bring yourself back to the here and now. Secondly, use the mindfulness trick of becoming aware of your senses to really be in the moment. Notice what you see, hear, smell, feel, taste… Christmas is a smorgasbord – savour it. Make a point of looking at people’s faces. Ask yourself what you’ll remember from this moment.

· Engage – Some times, even when we are present we can find ourselves just passively observing. The best way to be in the moment is to get involved and join in. Children on the floor opening presents? Don’t sit up on the sofa watching. Get down on the carpet with them. Immerse yourself in the experience. Are you the one always taking family photos? Hand the camera to someone else this year, literally. When you see a an image that you want to capture, grab the camera, pass it to someone else and get in there. You are much less likely to drift off into busy distracted thoughts this way.

As I said at the beginning, this list is far from comprehensive. If you have any tips on being Present for the Presents, I’d love to hear them. Merry Christmas Everyone!